Italy's fatal charm

"What is Italy's fatal charm? What is it we find there that cannot be found anywhere else? I believe it is a certain permission to be human, which other places, other countries, lost long ago."

Erica Jong (freely translated)

This is my favorite quote about Italy and what I always return to when I try to explain why I chose to settle in this particular country, and why Italy always tops the list of curious Swedes' favorite travel destinations. The quote also appears in a variant in Noah Baumbach's distinctive film Jay Kelly from 2025, with George Clooney in the role of the Hollywood star who in his search for meaning inadvertently ends up in Italy.

Yes, one can list all the country's superficial qualities like climate, landscape, food and so on. But other countries have that too and yet Italy feels different and tangibly human. An undercurrent flows through everything, something undisciplined and deeply feeling. It grips the heart in an irresistible way that made Jong choose the word fatal.

Perhaps it is the knowledge that here people are valued more than rules. It's hard to argue for disobedience but when it occurs, and it will occur often because the rule systems are not consistent and it becomes impossible to follow all without breaking some, then the Italian is always willing to discuss for a while and find a solution. This shadow boxing is an indispensable and stimulating part of Italian life that no one wants to be without – however often they may criticize themselves when Germany or Sweden has better order in their affairs.

The valuation that underlies this is that human contact comes before systems. You don't just stomp into the municipality and demand what you have a civic right to – not without first saying buongiorno and establishing a minimum that we are two people communicating. Perhaps you have trudged into a shop or café in Italy and received less than the usually so warm service? Then that person is having a bad day and you find out about it. The professional sphere merges with the personal. It may seem unprofessional and sometimes cheeky, but isn't it really an acknowledgment that you are also a human being and that we don't need to pretend so much?

There is something humble in all this. One may compete and one may even cheat, but it is never out of superiority. If caught playing fubetto (cunning) one throws out their arms and acknowledges lost points in the social game. No one becomes bigger or smaller from it. I myself believe that Italy's special history lies behind this: for millennia it has been a crossroads for cultures trying to understand each other and give each other space, and for less than two centuries tried to create a nation-state consisting of different cultures, food traditions and mutually incomprehensible dialects.

This will of course never become a perfect system, but rather a really nice system for us who inhabit it, that is, humans. In Italy it is more important to live in respect for each other than to blindly follow the written word. The result is a more humane society than the perfectly law-abiding one, a society I at least have chosen to participate in. A society where one actually understands what the rules aim for and sees them for the blunt instrument they are: an approximation of the much more subtle understanding of coexistence. It doesn't suit everyone always but it guarantees a liberating travel destination for the soul. For when we travel we seek not only new views and new tastes, we also seek another way of being for a while.

The Italians' relaxation is often misunderstood. Rarely have I met a more enterprising people. But they always find time for a drink with their fellow humans, for that is surely la dolce vita that all work aims for?